If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
