Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
