I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
