Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
