me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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