Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
