Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
