Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
