I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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