And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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