Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
