Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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