not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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