I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
