I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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