its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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