Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
