Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
