Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
