I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
