if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
