he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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