I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
