it's too hot outside to masturbate.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
