I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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