I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
