covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
