beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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