So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
