piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So vagazzling was a success
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
