I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need a beard to bite.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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