My balls are so social today.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
