I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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