I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
