with your own penis?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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