I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
