i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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