So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
