why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
