i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
