So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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