i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When are your genitals available?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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