he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize