you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
