actually, I'm a sock model
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
