Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
