You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
