I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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