Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
