There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
