hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pants are for mortals
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
