I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
