you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
