why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize