i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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