We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drake has all the answers
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
