so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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