Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
