whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
