I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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