My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
