The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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