Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
