is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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