You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
