Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
