I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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