I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
