I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
