I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
