if you like me you must not know who I am
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
