My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
