I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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