mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
