There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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