you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
